Lived in Halves

Husband, while you are away I am doing some of the things you like best.

I piled clean laundry on the bed as though I were actually going to fold it before climbing in, but you know me better. Two loads fit just as well in one basket at the foot of the bed, making room for me to lie down on your side, brace my body all around with our pillows.

I am beating a video game you’ve beaten already. I am starting over again, because I like to play the same life, the same choices, the same sweetness.

The refrigerator I cleaned out of all of the things we made together and didn’t finish when you were here. The salad that spoiled despite my intentions to have it every night, my love of what’s growing green outside so rarely translating to the choices I make when it comes to filling my plate.

But I haven’t been. Filling my plate, I mean. Without you I am making small meals, eating a little when I am home from work, a little more a few hours later. I’m hungry now anticipating a little breakfast when I wake up facing your lamp and your books thumbed before bed, the photograph you keep of me on your bedside table. In the photograph I am nineteen and you’ve placed a fortune from a fortune cookie inside: You are original and creative. At the time you said it was more appropriate for me than it was for you.

That was nearly ten years ago. What you didn’t know then, what I remind you every time that I can now, is that my fortune is you.

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4 thoughts on “Lived in Halves

  1. thethingstheyread

    Beautifully written! Have you heard of TodaysLetters.com? Reminded me of that. What are you doing with all of your alone time? (Aside from creating and cozying up to laundry piles?) Writing/reading anything?

    Reply
    1. The Girl Post author

      Thank you so much! I haven’t, but I am clearly going to have to check it out! I’ve been picking up and putting down a lot of books lately, but Ekaterina Sedia’s House of Discarded Dreams has finally hooked me.

      Reply
  2. pennyjars

    I wanted to reply to your beautiful writing and say about eating, I’m exactly the same. I can barely make dinners for my girls and me because they don’t eat the way my husband does when he’s home, not working late every night for weeks.

    But then I see you’re reading Ekaterina Sedia and I wonder, have you read Alchemy of Stone? And do you recommend House of Discarded Dreams?

    Reply
    1. The Girl Post author

      For shame, just seeing this.

      I absolutely do recommend The House of Discarded Dreams. That is the one I just read. Did you read/enjoy Alchemy of Stone?

      Reply

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